Freedom in His Presence

“Can anyone hide himself in secret places, So I shall not see him?” says the LORD; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the LORD.”

Jeremiah 23:24 NKJV

How many times do we have to hide our feelings and pretend to be who we are not? 

Before your bosses, you pretend to be passionate about your new assignments when you are actually gasping for air and really want a break. Before your spouse, you try to put up a strong front though you may be hurt by somethings that have happened or some words that were said to you. Before your parents, you pretend to be happy and bubbly when your heart is completely broken by a failed relationship. Before your children, you pretend that all is well financially when you are actually struggling to bring bread to the table because you just lost your job.

Unbeknownst to us, we put up a façade each and every day (in various magnitude) to cover our real emotions. When can we completely be ourselves, real and genuine? 

Thankfully there is a place we can actually be authentic and raw. When we come into God’s presence in worship and prayer, we are completely free to be who we are, we can pour out all our hidden emotions and in Him, we have that liberty. 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”

2 Corinthians 3:17 NKJV

Struggle 1: My final trimester was a total nightmare. 

I had a particularly tough twin pregnancy with symptoms such as vomiting, nose bleeding, piercing pelvic pain whenever I walked or took a small step. I had rashes all over my body and countless sleepless nights due to the intense kicking and punching by my babies in the womb. 

Struggle 2: My self-worth.

After giving birth to my girls in January 2020, I really struggled with postpartum depression due to my physical insecurities from the twin skin and abdominal separation, the sharp pain and discomfort from the cesarean section surgery and an overwhelming fatigue from my two babies who needed to be fed every other hour. I had so many questions and found myself with no answers and often in tears. What have I done to myself? I could not even bear to look at myself in the mirror. 

Back then, I knew that I could hide well before men and show that I am coping well with everything. But before God, I knew I did not have to and could not hide. Night after night, I would break down before Him and cry out for help in surrender. I could not do this with my own strength.

“In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.”

Psalms 18:6 NKJV

I realized that whenever I fall into the trap of self-pity, I would end up feeling worthless and even more miserable. But when I looked to my God for refuge, He would always give me an unexplainable strength to pull through each day and also the hope that He is with me and that He will rescue me from the state where I was. 

I know that the Lord was and is still watching over me and He is always looking into the depths of my heart. I am grateful that I can be a complete wreck before Him and He could still love me, regardless. He promised in 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV) that “(His) grace is sufficient for (me), for (His) strength is made perfect in weakness.” I held those words closely to my heart.

There is complete freedom in His presence. You will be amazed at how the Lord can strengthen and heal you when you come before Him in worship and prayer. I want to remind myself and also encourage everyone not to let the limitations of physical church services during this pandemic take away your time of personal worship and prayer. There is healing and freedom in His presence. His love is real and so powerful. When He says that He understands, He truly does. Be patient, keep holding on to Him and know that He will definitely bring you through your tough times. 

One song that had encouraged me through those tough times was “It Is Well” by Bethel Music. I hope that these words will also encourage some of you who may be presently struggling with what I was going through, or even with your own personal trials.

“And far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well”

God bless you,
Elina Er
Head (Events & Prayer House), The Encounter